Help
by Uchiha Xairylle
Summary: Law wants to say Luffy's name for some sort of strength, some semblance of breaking this cycling events of fear and helplessness. But this isn't real.


**Help**

* * *

Law feels like dying. He feels like shit. He feels like everything is collapsing around him and he can't see, can't breathe, can't _anything_. He's dying. He's disappearing. He's going to—

"Torao?"

Luffy. It's Luffy. _Luffy_. He can't say it, his name. Opening his mouth is difficult. Almost impossible. His eyes feel like they've been glued shut forever by the shadows that he can feel creeping from his fingertips and the soles of his feet. He can't see it, but he knows they're there, the dark wisps crawling around him. Everything's dark and heavy.

"Torao, wake up."

He's trying, but somehow he can't.

He's in the crate again. It's dark. It's cold. Ah, there are gunshots! So many gunshots! And then some distinct ones that echo over and over. It feels so crowded in this little box with all the jewels and gems and whatnot trying to poke him like some sort of eerie monsters. His mouth opens wide even if he doesn't want to and for what seemed to be the thousandth time in replay, he's crying without sound. He wants to say Luffy's name for some sort of strength, some semblance of breaking this cycling events of fear and helplessness. He wills himself to do something, to get a grip, to break away but he's just crying soundlessly even if it feels like he's belting out his guts with every wail.

But this isn't real.

This isn't real.

Law firmly tells himself this isn't real.

And yet he can feel the shaking of the crate, the smell of blood, words coming from outside and suddenly...

"Torao...!"

Suddenly, there's fire. Oh. Oh, it's the hospital. It's burning. He can see the hospital burning! The flames tower over him like an angry manifestation of all the cruelty of this world and beyond. Law hates it—the fire, the darkness, the ashes on the white walls. He takes one deep breath after another but nothing's enough. He feels like there's too much air yet too little as shadows reach out for him and he crawls backward helplessly, back hitting the crate—oh, he's still in the crate. There isn't much space to move away from the angry wall of fire that's trying to consume everything including him. The heat feels like it's going to tear his skin off but this isn't real. _This isn't real_ so why is he shaking? Why is he still in the crate? Why is he still small and helpless and alone?

Oh. Wait. Lamie's in the hospital.

Lamie.

Lamie!

"Hey!"

The tremors across his body are insanely painful. He's paralyzed with fear and it's dumb because _it's not real_ but his body's not doing what he's telling it to do.

This isn't real, he tells himself. But no, this _was_ real, his mind replies. This _happened_. He's not imagining this fear, this pain, this anguish, this anger, this helplessness. This isn't a made up feeling. It's something he's memorized all too well to be his only driving force to live and get revenge. Or justice, if that's what some people might call it. And while it does keep him alive and moving forward, it eats away when his guard is down like a painful reminder that this is all he is now, his foundation, the blood-stained ground he no longer has a choice but to tread on.

"Torao!"

Law thinks Luffy's voice is faint but still strong as the feeling of hard, bare knuckles against his jaw rattles his brain. He welcomes that even as he feels his body fly off the bed, like some twisted form of freedom that he's been waiting for. It feels like forever before he hit the floor with a thud. Oh, that's going to sting later, but at least he knows this is happening _now_. This is pain he can deal with, pain that will heal. He can hear Luffy say something, shouting, his feet thumping like panicked vibrations against the floor. He's closer, closer, closer. Law realizes he can barely wait until Luffy gets to him.

"Law!"

The heat from the younger captain's body is almost like a gush of fresh air to Law as the boy picks him up. And, yes, thank you, that's nice. He's starting to be okay now. He just... can't talk yet but he's okay. He's going to be okay.

"Law? Law. Law. What do you... What should I…"

Luffy's trembling. The fingers against his body are quivering and sweaty and cold. He can hear the boy's heart, can feel his breath racing. So unlike him. Law doesn't want to see the face he's making.

"Fuckfuck _fuck_. Fuck, what do I do...? What do I _do_? What do I... Chopper. _Chopper!_ No, in the Sunny. Too far. The bear. The talking _bear_."

No. No, don't get anyone. Bepo's going to be anxious if he finds out he's had this episode again. Don't get anyone. They're going to worry. It's bad enough Luffy's worried. He shouldn't get anyone.

"Luf..."

One syllable is too difficult, but that's enough to get Luffy's attention.

"Law!"

Luffy sounds like he's on the verge of crying. Law takes one gulp of air after the other as he struggles to open his eyes. The vision of fire and darkness are still too fresh behind his eyelids and he can still see the embers trying to get to him. He's still shaking except now there's a smaller body shaking right there with him.

"Oh my god." Luffy sighs like he's gasping for air alongside Law, clutching the man towards him like Law's just had both feet into the grave and to be honest, that's how it felt like—dying—except it's just a dream. Just a bad dream from a past he can't turn back.

"Oh my god, Law."

"Luffy." Law manages to say because this little captain's going to worry more and Law thinks he's been anxious enough, "I'm... okay. I'm awake now."

The boy nods quickly, clutching him tighter and burying his face into Law's chest.

"It was just a really bad dream." Law tries to lift his hand to touch Luffy's hair and oh, the realness of the strands feel like heaven between his fingers, "A really, really, really bad dream."

Luffy nods again, breathing in deeply. Law thinks it's wiser to be quiet for a while. They both need a bit of silence to themselves. Luffy just takes deep inhales and Law knows it's his scent Luffy's after—it's comforting to him, the younger pirate once said—and he's fine with that. He's fine with that, really.

"Does this happen often?" the younger pirate breaks the silence first.

"Wouldn't say often." Law shifts in Luffy's arms so his head is on the boy's shoulder, "It's just my body reacting to some things I experienced and…"

Less talk, less mistakes.

"And… Yeah..." the Hearts captain murmurs, "Just bad dreams."

His throat feels parched so he attempts to stand up and get water from his bedside table, but Luffy tugs at his arm.

"Where are you going?"

"Water."

Law's voice sounds weak even to himself.

"I'll get it for you!" Luffy stands up in a jiffy, "I… I can do at least _that_!"

Law's room is small, but Luffy is disoriented somewhat and it takes him a while to figure out that the glass and pitcher of water that Law's talking about is right beside the bed. It gives the doctor time to get up so that he's sitting on the bed when Luffy turns, a glass full of water in one hand. The younger captain is startled a bit, like he isn't expecting the man to be able to move but says nothing as he hands the glass to Law.

"I'm sorry I hit you." Luffy watches him take big gulps as he tips his head back, some of the water trickling down the corners of his mouth, "I didn't know what to do. It's just... It's just that you said 'help' and I..."

Help? He said that? He asked for _help_?

Law takes the glass away from his lips.

"I didn't know how to help you." Luffy's eyes fall to his feet, his suddenly small voice sounding guilty, which is wrong because nothing that happened was his fault, "No matter how strong I am... I didn't know how I was going to beat up whatever was making you cry. And I—"

"Luffy." Law puts the glass on the bedside table and gently pulls Luffy closer by the waist, "It's enough that you're here."

The boy says nothing.

"Look at me."

He hesitates, but lifts his eyes so he could look at Law.

"You being here helped plenty. It would've taken me a while to wake up on my own, you know." Luffy bites his lip and caresses Law's face, "I still wish I could've done something more."

Law sighs with a smile and moves back and further into the bed and lies on his side. Luffy blinks dumbly for a while until Law pats the empty space beside him. The Strawhat captain crawls into the bed, slipping under the blankets so that Law can wrap his arms around him and pull him closer.

"Why am _I_ getting a hug?" Luffy sounds disappointed.

"Holding you makes me feel better."

And it does, really. He likes having Strawhat this close whenever he's feeling anxious. It's his small reminder that he's not alone somehow, that there's someone standing beside him. Strong enough not to need Law's constant protection. Careless enough to still need Law by his side. Loyal enough to never leave when Law needs him.

"Hey, Torao."

The nickname is back.

"Hm?" Law breathes in Luffy's scent. So refreshing.

"Let's make new ones."

"New ones?" the older captain murmurs into his hair.

"Memories." Luffy pushes back a bit so he can look at the older captain's face, "Let's make new ones."

"I can't do anything about the past and I can't always be _here_ with you when it haunts you but—"

His inked arms embrace the smaller body tighter. So warm. He's so warm.

"We're going to make new memories together. You, me, our crews." Luffy nuzzles against Law's chest, his breath dancing across tanned skin as he spoke, "So you can have other things to dream about."

"And in the future, _this_ is going to be your past. Then when you look back, _I'll_ be in that past. I'm sure the me in your dream would beat up whatever is bothering you, I promise. You won't be scared."

It takes a while for Law to respond. He's never good with upfront gratitude and he's not used to people being this nice to him. He's not sure why Luffy's with him, really. Not sure what kind of deity is pulling strings for this to happen because it _has_ to be divine intervention for Luffy to love him. Law is a cruel, scheming fucker who doesn't deserve Luffy one bit.

"Torao?"

"Yeah." he nods gently, brushing away his negative thoughts because Luffy's doing all he can to make things better and the least Law could do is not be a pessimistic asshole—okay, _stop_. "I was just thinking that would be nice. I'd like that."

"Really?" Luffy pulls back again so he could flash a bright and thankful smile at Law, "I'm glad."

He dives into Law's chest again, his arms and legs hugging the man tightly.

"I'll protect you no matter what form I take."

Law kisses his young lover's forehead.

"Yeah. I'm sure you would."


End file.
